Something old, something new

I’m starting a blog!
I want to talk.

But.
There’s a big but.
I don’t want to talk.

Does anybody else suffer with the same problem?
I’m pretty sure i’m 99% introvert, let’s just call it 100%!
I’m no social butterfly.
I struggle to make friends, I prefer my own company, but at the same time, i’d love to talk, chat, laugh with somebody other than myself. Even though I say chat, I don’t mean face to face. That would make the palms of my hand sweat, and my heart thump. My heart races at the thought of crossing paths with people in the street, strangers, acquaintances, even friends. It’s so bad, I feel wary of stepping outside my front door.

I admit, I close myself off. So maybe, it is all my fault, why I am the way I am.
I feel like I can only be close to a couple of people. I panic when faced with social situations, even if that means a trip to the dentist, where I will have to talk to somebody. I hate it, I really can’t describe it as anything else.
I’ve never understood ‘anxiety’, or ‘depression’ but up until a few weeks ago, I thought nothing of them. Until I was diagnosed with mild anxiety and depression. I’ll never know why fully, but it’s not something that’s easily sorted, it’s no quick fix.

I want to leave the past behind, easier said than done I know, but maybe this blog will be the start of something new. I enjoy reading other people’s blogs, I love the emotion and thought that goes into them, they inspire me.

Please, if you relate to this in any way, let me know.
Let me know i’m not the only one!

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